I have anxiety come to visit. Sometimes it would stay for a longtime, to long. Sometimes I could just move it along, quickly. Sometimes it wouldn’t visit for weeks, months, a year. Sometimes it just sneaks up on me, unaware.

what if …. ?

what if …. i can’t?

what if …. i can’t jump?

what if …. it doesn’t work?

what if…. i am not good enough?

I can help there It says

what if i step in? i can help…. i can

what if i whisper to your mind….. beware, beware, beaware… quietly, just a whisper

what if i give you sweaty hands just to start you off, just so you know i am here…like a “knock, knock… can i come it”

what if i just swirl your stomach, just gently to start. little waves. then i can make bigger, until the waves are lap against the bottom of chest and splash to your throat

I squeeze so tightly that you feel your beat…. faster, and faster, harder and harder, faster,

what if i take my hand and squeeze your heart. Tighter, tighter, tighter…. Squeeze so tight that it feels like there is a pounding and a constricting all at the same time….in your chest, in your ears, like the blood is going to erupt from every vain in your body.

what if i do the same to your throat? grip it. on fire. dry your mouth. your tongue doesn’t move. you wont have to speak then. not a word. i can do all the talking. i have lots of words

what if i send your mind feeling crazy

what if i send your hands and feet numb

what if you don’t have to move

what if i send you tears… what if i send you to your knees… what if i send you into a tiny little ball, on the ground. Look i will place a blanket over you. You don’t have to look out

There my dear, you don’t have to move. you don’t have to jump. you don’t have to feel, you don’t have to be seen

What if….

What if in that ball, i hug me. What if i embrace me with love

what if when I hear you call … beware, i hear be aware, and i am

what if when i hear you knock…. i say thank you, thankyou for calling by, but i have had enough, and then send you on your way

i have another way

what if when my heart starts to pound …. i feel the excitement instead of fear. what if i start to breath, what if i feel my heart explode with love….expand

what if i talk, to myself, to others, share

what if with tingling… i come alive, i feel passion and life and love

what if i am seen

what if … i could change that?

what if I just jump

what if i can, head first, feet first, one foot first

what if….I am enough

what if …..?

xxx Tam